Holding on can keep your heart stuck. Letting go doesn’t erase the past—it releases you to step into God’s healing.
When walking through divorce, one of the hardest lessons is learning that we must let go to heal after divorce.
In the beginning of my own journey, I remember constantly thinking: “If only this had happened differently… If only that had turned out another way.” I replayed the past over and over, holding onto the “what if’s” and the “if only’s.” But here’s the truth: holding on keeps us stuck. Healing begins when we choose to release the past and cling to God instead.
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I could have spent my whole life blaming my past, my upbringing, or the choices of others for the struggles I was facing. I could have made a thousand excuses for why things went the way they did.
But in the end, excuses don’t bring freedom—surrender does. I had to come to a place of saying:
What mattered most wasn’t what I lost but what I learned. God used the biggest challenge of my life to show me areas where I needed growth, healing, and deeper trust in Him. I realized I had a choice: remain a victim of my circumstances or rise as a victor through Christ.
Even now, as life continues to unfold, I still face moments where I want to pick back up what I’ve already surrendered. If I neglect my quiet time with God in the morning—time to pray, read His Word, and listen for His voice—I sometimes find myself unknowingly carrying old weights again.
That’s why letting go isn’t a one-time act; it’s a daily decision. Healing is progressive, and every day we can ask:
Lot was Abraham’s nephew, and he chose to live in Sodom, a city known for its wickedness. Even though Lot was considered righteous, his choice to settle there placed him and his family in the middle of destruction when God sent judgment on Sodom and Gomorrah. Out of His mercy, God sent angels to rescue Lot and his family, leading them out of the city and commanding them not to look back (Genesis 19).
But Lot’s wife couldn’t let go. Her heart was still tied to what she was leaving behind—her home, her lifestyle, her past. When she looked back, she was instantly turned into a pillar of salt. It wasn’t just about a glance; it revealed where her heart truly was. She couldn’t fully step into God’s deliverance because she was still holding on to what God had called her to leave.
This story is a sobering reminder for us. While we may not physically turn into salt, the principle still applies. When we keep looking back—rehashing old conversations, replaying the “what ifs,” and clinging to things God has already asked us to release—we stop our own progress. We become stuck, frozen in place, unable to step into the new life and healing God has for us.
Lot’s wife shows us that partial obedience is still disobedience. God’s instructions were clear: don’t look back. But her unwillingness to let go cost her everything. For us, it serves as a warning and an encouragement—because when we do obey, when we release the past, God leads us into freedom, peace, and a future filled with hope.
Therapy can help. Coaching can help. But at the end of the day, healing requires a daily surrender to God. We cannot fully step into freedom if our hands are still clutching the past. We must loosen our grip, trust His plan, and let Him carry the weight.
Letting go after divorce means releasing what you cannot change, surrendering the pain to God, and choosing daily steps that move you forward instead of backward.
But how do you know if you’re truly moving forward in your healing… or if part of your heart is still holding on to the past?
Take a moment to pause and reflect. The simple questions below can help you gently check where you are in your healing journey.
Quick self-check: be honest with yourself (no shame here). Your answers help you choose your next best step.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams
If this message resonated with you, the next step in your healing journey is learning how to release the past in a practical, guided way.
My “Letting Go with God” Workbook was created specifically for women walking through divorce who want to move forward with faith, clarity, and emotional freedom.